Why Boy-Moms MUST Teach Positive Body Image
I can hardly even believe it, but my baby boy is going to be ONE this weekend!! Can someone please tell Father Time to let go of the fast forward button!? As this big milestone has been approaching, I've found myself thinking a lot about how to properly raise a boy in today's day and age. There are so many things I want to teach him and so many important qualities that I want to instill in him. Sometimes it gets overwhelming thinking about having so much responsibility! But I also couldn't be more excited to have the privilege to help him navigate and discover this world. One thing that I find myself thinking about a lot as a boy mom is how much my own body image impacts what he is learning about for not only body image for himself, but for the girls and women that he will encounter in his life. I want him to appreciate people of all different types, genders, races, body types, and personalities. I don't want him to get specific ideas about what a person should look or be like because of what he sees displayed in magazines and media, or because of what he hears me say about myself in the mirror.
I've seen many articles and posts on social media about the importance of Moms teaching their daughters about positive body image. However, as a boy-mom, I actually feel like it might even be more important (or at least just as important) for me to be aware of these things as well.
Not only do I want my son to feel confident and good about what he looks like (no matter what that is) I also want him to see the beauty in other people, just as they are. I don't want him to perpetuate any beauty or size stereotypes, and I most definitely do not want him to be the reason why a girl feels bad about how she looks. One of the reasons why so many women in today's world struggle with self-esteem or weight problems is because of the way that men and other women project these high, often unattainable expectations about what an ideal and gorgeous woman "should" look and be like. It's time for the archetypes of beauty to be changed and expanded upon. In order to make sure that my son has a healthy and realistic perspective that people come in different shapes and sizes, and that there is no right or wrong way to look, there are a few things that I've decided to do.
1. I'm very aware and cautious about what I say and do regarding my own body image. Half of the time when I'm getting ready for the day, my son is in the room with me playing in his pack-and-play. We all know that kids at his age are soaking everything that we say and do into their little memory banks, so I make sure that I'm not making negative comments, frowny faces, pinching my "trouble" areas, or spending too much time fussing in the mirror.
2. I tell him not only how handsome he is, but I also compliment him on how sweet, kind, loving, and funny he is. You might say I am over-thinking this one, but I really think it's important. When my son was born, I found myself at first just calling him "handsome" all the time. Then I realized that as he would start to understand what those words meant, I probably was emphasizing his "handsomeness" too much, and not recognizing him for the other more important wonderful qualities that he has and I love about him. Now, I try and focus more on all of the other qualities that I love about him too, so that he understands that I love him for much more than just his appearance.
3. I try to keep his exposure to magazines, TV, social media, etc. to a minimum. One day I found my son playing with a big stack of my old magazines. There were a bunch of SELF, Shape, and Glamour magazines included in the stack: All of course with gorgeous, skinny, airbrushed models on the covers. I realized that if all he sees are pictures of these type of "magazine-model" women, then he's going to start forming his own ideas about what women should look like. I know that as he gets older he will naturally start to be exposed to this stuff more, but for now I've decided not to watch my usual TV shows or movies around him, and not to leave my magazines laying around. As he gets older I hope to just have conversations with him about what we see in magazines, TV and movies, and why that is just one perspective of what is beautiful and interesting.
Those are the three biggest practices that I've incorporated so far. However, this is something that I hope to stay on top of as my son gets older, so that together we can contribute to a more accepting, loving community where everyone can feel confident in their own skin.
I'd love to hear what you are doing/have done to make sure that you raise your children to be the confident, encouraging people that you know they have the potential to be! Share with me by including a comment below!
With Smiles,
Kim
P.S. Do you know a mother of boys that you think might enjoy this post? Please share a link to pass along this important message!
